... as Fate is to Love

I just had an interesting text-conversation about love, that I'll share here.  The beauty of texting is that you always have a record of your conversation if you want it.  (and sometimes a record when you don't want it)  I appended a little, but I'll leave you to guess which parts are new and which are original.

    I believe in fate even though I believe in free will: those things that I can affect, I will. But, those things I can't affect, will go their own way.  This applies to "the one" just fine.  You see, I am destined to find the circumstances and situations that I do find, and to miss those that I miss.  I can try and try to be with someone that I think might be the one, but I fall accidentally in love just as often as when I try real hard to be with somebody.  With love and fate, it's all circumstances that I'd like to control, but that I can't really control at all, that leads to love.  If I miss the one, it's because that one was not for me.  Some people are destined to find none or just one "one" in life, some a series of "ones."  I hope I get just one.  I can't really control who enters my life any more than I can control who is or isn't in my college classes.  I can try to put myself in a situation where I might encounter a certain person, or kind of person, but it's still a crap-shoot.  And there's also no such thing as "one that got away" for me.  If they were here, then that situation existed for its own purpose.  If they left, they're destined for other things.

I think that my life will bring me where I am going to be, not necessarily where we think we will be.  My input into my life's events only affects how my situations may play out, but I can't really affect what situations do come. Sometimes someone might reemerge into my life's stream of encounters after leaving, but this is never certain, and almost never steerable.

... as Tonight is to Free-Writing

I wrote a second paper in response to my first, but I won't post that here.
I wrote a third paper as a journal, but I won't post that here, at least not in its entirety.  Here's a few excerpts:

Virginia's Pies

    Passing by the apartment of old Misses Virginia, which sat below and offset from my own, was a staple of my day when I was a hundred pounds lighter and twenty years younger. I used to race up those old metal and tile stairs, skinny knees pumping spindly legs up up up two steps at a time. She used to leave her newspaper out front of her door in the dark mornings, leaning against her door frame, like a secret signal that only Virginia, my mom, and I knew: pick me up on the way to school, she's done reading me.

    She used to bake us pumpkin pies and apple pies, but I don't remember why, only that I was happy to gallop down to her door with a five-dollar bill in hand. My mom told me she supplemented her income with baking those pies, explaining to me that living on a fixed income meant you had to bake pies or you couldn't afford to live here. I didn't want to get old like Virginia. Now and then the ambulance would come to save her when she fell down and broke something.

    She's long-dead now, but I'll always remember her accent that both scared and comforted me. “Kaahl,” she would pronounce my name Kyle like she was from a funny movie, “Tell ya mothah that I have a packidge fo' huh.” As years have since passed, I can only guess if her words in my head sound anything like the real Virginia. But time has not diminished my connection of fresh pie to Virginia's twangy voice.

And also:

New Years

Bright lights, a tiny wish of a parade, and a steady amount of drinking and punk rock helped to drown my failed-relationship disappointments with half-naked girls on trampolines and the smell of strangers' bodies pressed against my own. “The music's so loud, you can hear the sound/ Reachin' for the sky, and churnin' up the ground,” lyrics from Rock & Roll Fantasy by Bad Company could have capped my night there, but instead I pressed on. I pulled up to the house of someone I didn't even know. Armed with rockets, snap-n-pops, and an almost-sober head, I couldn't compete with the playful dog, classic record player, pungent smoke, and the multiple 30-racks in the kitchen. Somehow, there was even rave music. 

Lastly, a response to a piece about Hoover Dam:

  -At the Dam

    All I want to mention about this piece (which I really liked) concerns a single perfect sentence, “I will be driving down Sunset Boulevard, or about to enter a freeway, and abruptly those power transmission towers will appear before me, canted vertiginously over the tailrace.” I don't even know what the words “vertiginously” or “tailrace” mean, and I haven't even looked them up, nor do I want to. I've seen these power lines once before, and the bewildered awe they struck in me then is mimicked in the strange words of that single sentence. They leaned way over the precipice in a way that only demons should know how to do, supported by something that only H. P. Lovecraft could have designed. Those two words, they must have concrete definitions, but for now, I am content to let them be a mystery.

... as Dreaming is to Creative Writing

Last week was the first week of class, and I think my favorite class is Creative Writing.  I missed the first day due to a schedule change, but I'm just about caught up now.  My first paper assignment was to use metaphors and imagery.  Without further delay, here is that paper.

Good Morning

With a syncopated thump-thump to match my heartbeat, my footsteps down the carpeted wooden stairs of my grandmother's house set my back a-hunch with anticipation of my name being called from above. My steps are never as loud as I imagine they are, but fear of waking Dad keeps me on edge. Now, I'm standing below, with the banister-cap in hand, so soft and erotic between my finger-tips. The light from the piano room is so bright. How long have I been standing here?

    The creek-water running down the hall is frigid, so I pull my knees up, getting my feet back under the covers. They swish and slide, like the leaves being raked outside my window. Rake, rake, swish, swish, the noises I make rolling over, away from the sun, are noticeably loud.

    My knees bump against some foreign obstruction in my bed, a knot of covers, perhaps. I open my eyes to see the matter, and the mess of blonde hair and pale skin confuses me just long enough for my heart to misfire. I smile a little and tangle my cold feet among her ankles, making her squirm. The skin of her back is right in my face, magnifying her freckles to Gorbachev size. I pull the covers up to my head, and kiss her between the shoulders. Her skin is cold on my lips from exposure to the air, and salty on my tongue with the dried sweat of last night's efforts, like chilled fish at the market. My jaw is stiff from clenching all night; I can hear it pop and snap in my ears as I yawn wide.

    Breathing in from my mouth for the first time, my breath has that unique flavor of morning ick. My alarm panics at the time, screaming right behind my head, sending my back a-hunch again. Or maybe it's a-hunch for the very first time. Mornings are always so confusing.

College is to Beer as Kyle is to 2010

First post, so it's a doozie.  tl;dr: 2010 turned out allllllright, brotherman.

  I can't believe it's 2011 already.  As Graham (more than) once said, "It's damn near the Jetson's!  Where's my flying car?"  But 365 days ago, I was looking forward to what the year would hold for me, and it's turned out almost exactly as I was looking for.  Here's the highlight reel in chronological order as far as I can recall; touchdowns and fumbles it's been a hell of a year.
  I moved here from San Diego at the outset of the year, and it's been mostly awesome ever since.  I crashed at Jim and Josh's briefly, before staying with Graham for a couple months.  Graham had a kickin' pad! His cat Nina and my cat Ben eventually got along, and the two were cute in epic proportions.  Some time in the second quarter of the year, I moved to a house down by the mall with Josh, Jim, Megan, and Tate, followed shortly by Ray "Guy On The Couch" Miller.  We tried to give him hassle, but the guy's got thick skin, and despite my best efforts to drive him insane, he eventually moved to a permanent position in the household.
  Sometime in the early summer, a simple game of Texas Hold'em escalated into a bi-weekly party at our place involving beer and booze, BBQ sausages at 5am, Rockband 2, and even someone pressing boobs against the sliding glass door (many, many times).  One of the most memorable parties was our Bridgette: Farewell party, where we all were dressed to the nines.  A glorious evening.  Eventually all good things must come to an end; our last party here got a little out of control, but the summer was ending, what better time to call it a night, right?
  I got to meet Liz, Ray's girlfriend, and her wonderful sister Piper, who I ended up dating :)  She moved to Seattle for photography school before the Bridgette: Farewell party, and still attends to this day.  As the relationship grew, I fell in love with this woman all full of smiles..
  At the end of the summer, difficulties arose between Jim and myself resulting in he and his girlfriend Megan moving out to their own place down the street.  They have since picked up the crowns of Party King and Queen, and have hosted their own Friday night blow-outs with great enthusiasm.
  College over the summer went great with A's in both ENG 101 & 102, and I rolled into the fall semester with the same excitement I had at the beginning of the summer semester.  This time it would be pre-calculus, philosophy, US history, and photography.  Piper loaned me her 35mm camera, and I had a blast being a shutter-bug for my photo class.  My teacher, Ed Honda, is an amazing instructor.  He made me like photography, and I'm just sorry I don't have room in my spring schedule to take his class again.
  During the summer and fall, I struggled to find something extra-curricular to occupy my time with, as school studies leave me wanting for something to do.  I started out riding my Yamaha Virago motorcycle all over the county looking for adventure, but it's hard to find the diamonds in the rough without a guide.  I got set up to volunteer at the fire department after a bureaucrat's mother-load of paperwork, but that wasn't really what I expected, so I quit after one day.  Once into the fall semester, having met Mr. Honda, I started volunteering at Buena High School, assisting with their film photography classes on Fridays.  That was a blast!  I'd love to continue doing the same during the spring semester, but Buena is cutting their entire film curriculum.  Bummer. Ed has suggested I help with the digital classes, but we'll see how that works out.
  Halloween was a total blast; Dani (Bridgette's gf) and I did a coordinated costume of half-man, half-woman, split down the vertical middle of the costume.  My left side was a suit and tie, my right a skirt and blouse.  Dani did the same, but reversed.  We had our hair and makeup done by her should-be-pro roomie.  We went with Alex and his friends to Tucson and hit up two of the gay clubs; the whole event was pretty freakin' sweet, if I do say so myself.
  Oh yeah, some time in here, Graham and I did tailgating at UofA for the Wildcats first home game, versus Citadel, I think.  Of course Arizona stomped all over that east-coast military prep school, but we did have some great fun there.  Next time, I WILL bring a vuvuzela!
  December came and the winds brought Piper down from the Arctic to be with us for Christmas break. But as it turns out, our relationship had got frostbite, and we went our seperate ways before the New Year's celebration.  I spent the evening in Bisbee bar-hopping, and even experienced my first rave.  I don't know what exactly I was expecting, but Club K just seemed too... clean.  To be oddly specific, I imagined the ceilings would be much lower, and the whole place to be dark and loud.  The ball drop was celebrated with a round of jager-bombs and party hats inside a bar, then with champagne and firecrackers outside.  Some time that night, we discovered an awesome little music venue that had some kind of punk music going on, and we all crowded in.  For one band's number, Melissa jumped on a trampoline!  After Bisbee, I decided to visit a house party in South Sierra Vista, and it was completely awesome.  We lit off the rest of my fireworks, I met a bunch of great people, and we spent a good part of the wee hours sitting on the floor of a smoky bedroom listening to legends of the vinyl era on a classic record player.  It was a far-out evening, for sure man.
  Now here am I, with my classes registered, and books paid for.  My college experience continues on Monday, and I'm totally excited.  I'll try to keep this blog going, with shorter and more varied entries next time.